


Can't We Be Friends?

by Malletist



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Coma, Depression, M/M, Suicide, Triggers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-06
Updated: 2015-07-10
Packaged: 2018-04-03 05:15:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,896
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4088293
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Malletist/pseuds/Malletist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Arthur was perfect. He was beautiful, intelligent, unique…but he wasn't what I wanted. What, or who, I wanted was calm, quiet, adorable, and kind. Someone with soft black locks, not unruly blonde hair. That was why I was here, uttering the words that were breaking the boy in front of me: I think we should go our separate ways. Alfred's POV of Let's Just Be Friends.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Do you know what it feels like to break someone's heart? It is a horrible, twisted feeling that burns in your midsection like a furnace. Like your chest is caving in on itself, the guilt too heavy and too great to bear. A sickening feeling, like you are tearing the individuals heart out with your bare hands and leaving it hanging there, not caring if the intestinal filament snapped or not.

That's how I feel. I never believed it would end like this. I had imagined it calmer, quieter, maybe even easier. However, I was sadly mistaken. It was one of the most horrible things I have ever done in my whole life, even more so than mocking my brother when he first came out. Ironic, really, seeing how I turned out.

Arthur was perfect. He was beautiful, intelligent, unique…but he wasn't what I wanted. What, or who, I wanted was calm, quiet, adorable, and kind, not brash, violent, and slightly uncaring. Someone with soft black locks, not unruly blonde hair.

A person who's name was Kiku, not Arthur.

That was why I was here, uttering the words that were breaking the boy in front of me: I think we should go our separate ways. 

I could see the tears forming in his gorgeous green eyes. His teeth were clenched harshly around his bottom lip and blood was slowly trickling down his chin. God, this is not going how I had hoped. Arthur's hands were clenched tightly at his sides, and crimson water slowly dripped to the ground. Oh, I wish I could take this back, stop this adorable young man from hurting like this, but it had to be done. I took a deep breath, and carried on.

"Arthur, I hope this doesn't stand between us."

Just let this be over with.

"Let's just be friends, okay?"

I am so sorry, Arthur. Instantly, I knew that was the worst thing I could have possibly said. Helplessly, I watched as the broken dam finally gave way, and the clear waters burst out of its confines. His hands flew towards his face and heart-wrenching sobs stabbed the air horribly, and I took a step forward to comfort him. I stopped. That would send the wrong message. I can't do that to him, not now, not ever. His small frame curled in on itself, and shook violently.

"W-why?" he breathed mournfully. I stared at him pitifully.

"You know why."

He ran, and all I could do was watch.

That night, I lay in my bed and I thought about that destructive deed I had committed. How could I do something like that to him? To anybody? Wasn't I supposed to be the hero, the one who saved the day, and made everyone happy? With a groan of annoyance, I flipped over onto my back and stared up at the ceiling. My fingers twitched. I wonder how he's doing…

No! If I called him now, he would only break down again. I hated to see him cry. He always looked so…pathetic and weak. That was not who Arthur Kirkland was. At least…not anymore. Realization hit me like a ton of bricks. Shit, how could I be so stupid?

I launched my arm to my dresser and grabbed my phone. I tensely slammed down various technological buttons before I made it to my contact list. A second later, the phone was ringing, and I prayed to God that Arthur picked up the phone. "Come on, pick up the fucking phone," I grumbled, scared of what it would mean if he did not.

It rang once, twice.

Three times.

Four.

On the fifth ring, I yelled agitatedly and hung up. I called again. "Arthur, I swear to God, if you don't pick up the phone." Again, it rang five times, and the process repeated. After the tenth time, I gave up and threw my phone onto the bed. What was Arthur doing? He couldn't possibly be…

No, he couldn't be. He had promised me he would never do it again, that it was over and done with. Arthur wouldn't go back on that, right? I froze.  
Yes, he would. I left him, and I promised him I would never do that, so he would go back on his…

"Fuck!" In a fit of rage, I punched the wall with all my strength. How could I be so stupid? I knew this would happen, I knew it! I picked up my phone again and punched in a number. It was picked up on the first ring.

"Alfred? Is there anything you need?"

"Kiku," I said, "could you try and get in touch with Arthur? He's not picking up his phone." There was silence on the other end. I suppose it wasn't much of a surprise. Kiku didn't like Arthur all that much, considering the situation they were in.

"Why would I need to do that? Didn't you break up with him?" Kiku inquired. He sounded slightly…jealous?

"I know we broke up and damn it was hard, but I know things about him that you don't and I am seriously scared right now." I was. Wouldn't you if your now ex-boyfriend had a very recent history of cutting viciously and without boundaries? On top of that, he wasn't very strong on the inside and could fall back to his old ways in a second? You would be pissing in your pants.

"…Alright, Alfred. For you, I'll do anything," Kiku responded. I couldn't help but smile. Immediately, I felt guilty. Here I was, smiling with the person I had been having an affair with while the one I was cheating on was probably hurting himself beyond repair. I was a horrible person.

"Thank you, Kiku."

I could practically feel Kiku's smile through the phone. "I love you," he whispered. I gulped. I wish he hadn't said that. I mean, sure I liked him a lot, but…I didn't know if it was actually love. 

"You too," I responded. I hung up and let my arm fall limp by my side. I stared up at the ceiling again and bit my lip.

Please help Arthur be okay. If something happened to him, I don't know what I would do.

At least I'll see him tomorrow. With that thought, I drifted off to sleep.

The next morning, I woke to my alarm clock blaring wild geese at me. I smashed the sleep button and turned over to go back to sleep. Then I remembered. Wake up, you asshole, you have to talk to Artie! Without a lick of grace, I fell out of bed, pulled on my clothing for the day (a white button-up, torn blue jeans, and my trademark World War Two bomber jacket (America, fuck yeah!)), raced down the stairs, stole Mattie's pancakes ("Hey, those are mine, fat ass!") and drove to school. I wouldn't be surprised if I broke at least ten laws on my way.

I screeched to a halt in one of the many empty parking slots and turned off the engine. I didn't get out. Now what am I gonna do? Shit, I really should have thought this through. For a while, I just sat there, contemplating my next move. I looked at the clock and blinked. 7:20. Huh…Arthur would be here in ten minutes.

Arthur would be here in ten minutes!

"Shit!"

I shoved the door open and jumped out, barely locking the car before I was sprinting towards the school. Fishing around in my pocket, I grasped the keys nestled inside and made haste with the lock. There were some benefits of being the boyfriend of the Student Council President.

…Or, at least, the former boyfriend of the Student Council President. I couldn't help but wince at the thought. As I was about to go inside, a hand rested on my arm. I screeched. "Aah!"

"Alfred?"

Please don't hurt me, ghost! I promise I won't steal the cookies from the pantry anymore! …Wait. I knew that voice. "Kiku?"

I turned and saw that it was, in fact, Kiku standing there and NOT the Pantry Ghost. A sigh of relief escaped me. "Oh, it's only you," I chuckled. Kiku smiled softly. Somehow, it didn't look as kind as it usually did.

"Yes. Um, what are you doing, exactly?" Kiku asked as he pointed towards the doors. I blinked. What was he…oh!

"I'm going in early because I have to talk to Artie about what happened," I explained. I could have sworn that at that moment, the Japanese man's eyes turned cold, and his smile twisted into a dark scowl. Then it was gone, and my Kiku was back again, smiling innocently and gazing at me shyly.

"Alfred, do you suppose that I could help? You know, with Arthur?" I stared at the black-haired man. I don't think this is a good idea…Although, Kiku is really good at talking to people. Yeah, maybe he'll convince Arthur to still be friends with me!

"Sure," I answered, "Maybe you can help him to come around!" I turned back to the school and pushed open the doors, merrily walking down the hall. I missed the evil smirk on Kiku's face. I surveyed the different rooms around me. Hmm…where should I hide? My head shifted to all of the doors. I know, I'll close my eyes and point in a random direction, and the door I point to is it!

Quickly, I closed my eyes and spun around in circles, then came to a stop and pointed somewhere. Opening my eyes, I laughed joyfully and grabbed Kiku's wrist. "Come on, in here, hurry!" When both of us were in, I shut the door quietly and turned the lights off. "Okay, Kiku," I began, "we have to be super quiet-!"

Suddenly, Kiku's lips were pressed against mine, his hands buried in my hair. Stunned, I instinctively kissed back and wrapped my arms around his waist. Stop it, Alfred, Arthur is going to be here any minute! As if he could here my thoughts, Kiku whined and pressed himself closer. "Alfred," he moaned. I bit my lip. I really shouldn't do this! Why does he have to be so cute! Leaning down, I pushed my lips back onto his and drifted my hands lower until they rested on his ass. Okay, one minute couldn't hurt. I mean, what are the odds of Arthur arriving this very minute?

Breaking the kiss, I trailed down Kiku's long neck and sucked the base, my hands squeezing the second-best ass I had ever seen. Arthur's is better NO WAIT SHUT UP MIND YOU CAN'T THINK THAT!

"A-ah! Alfred!" He screamed. I had forgotten how sensitive he was there. Please, help Arthur not be here yet. I really don't want him to hear this.  
"Mmm. Kiku," I groaned. Kiku moved to kiss my throat when I heard a noise outside of the door. Was that…a sob? Rapid footsteps echoed down the hall, and I realized who had been standing outside. Frantically, I pushed Kiku away and yanked the door open.

"Arthur!"

There was no answer. Shit.

Two weeks have passed since I had been a complete idiot and ruined any chance I had of Arthur and I getting back together. Wait, I mean of us being friends again. Where did that come from? I am perfectly happy with Kiku…right?

Anyway, Kiku had announced that we were a couple to the whole school. I had wanted to wait a bit, seeing as how I had broken up with Arthur not that long ago, but Kiku wanted everyone to know. I had reluctantly complied when he gave me the Big Eyed Plea, as I call it. A rumor had started that Kiku and I had been fucking while I was still with Arthur. It was true, and I felt horrible about it. I can only imagine how Arthur must feel.

To be honest, I was worried about him. Every day, my thoughts were clouded with all things Arthur. How he was, if he ate, where he was, if he was hurting himself again- it was miserable. I barely paid attention to anything anymore, even Kiku. Oh, Kiku…I'm such a bad person, breaking up with someone for someone else and then thinking about the former all day. Though, right now, making sure Arthur wasn't about to kill himself seemed more important.

I picked up my phone and was about to call the blonde when I stopped. If I called, he would know I was coming. He would try to cover everything up, or maybe even leave the house so he didn't have to face me. My decision made, I slipped my phone in my jean pocket and threw on my jacket. I had to make sure he was okay.

I walked across the hall to Matthew's room and knocked once. "Yo, Matt."

"What, Al?" a quiet voice responded from inside. In any other situation, I would have smiled. He really needed to speak up more.

"I'm going to check up on Arthur, okay?" There was some shuffling from inside the room, then the door opened and Matthew was staring at him perplexedly.

"I thought you guys broke up," he stated. I huffed in annoyance.

"That's why I'm checking up on him! Do you not remember what he used to do to himself?" I countered. The older but shorter blonde stared at me blankly before understanding dawned on his face.

"Oh," was all he uttered. I scoffed at him. For the so-called "smart one" of the two of us, he sure was dumb sometimes.

"Yeah, 'oh.'"

I started down the steps. "I'll see you later, bro."

Half an hour later, I was sitting in the hospital. How did this happen? This wasn't how it was supposed to go! I was supposed to arrive at Arthur's house, find him in his room reading or knitting or whatever, talk to him, make up, and then leave with our relationship intact. Instead, I find Arthur collapsed in his bathroom, his throat slit, blood everywhere, and my fucking name carved into his chest. I remember screaming and cradling him to me, the calling 911. The ambulance had arrived and taken him away, though thankfully they let me ride with him.

Dried tears stained my puffy cheeks, and my hands cradled my face sorrowfully. I had called Arthur's brother, Collin, who had sounded frightened when I told him. I had given him the Hospital address and he arrived ten minutes later. He had been at a friend's house; he had left Arthur alone and unwittingly gave Arthur the chance to end his life. Collin had tried to get in contact with their parents, but couldn't get through. Some parents they were.  
A sob threatened to rip out of my throat, but I swallowed it back down. Dear Lord please, please let him be okay, please help my baby be okay.

Then I remembered he wasn't mine anymore, and I had caused this. That's when I finally broke down.


	2. The End

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tell me what you think at the end. Oh, and if you noticed any mistakes in the story, please tell me. I will come back and fix them.
> 
> Happy reading.

It had been two days since I found my Arthur lying in a pool of his blood after his suicide attempt. I ran my hands through my hair and sighed heavily, torturous thoughts of Arthur plaguing my mind like a disease. What if he wasn't okay? What if he dies here, in a pure-white hospital full of people that don't care about him? 

What if he does wake up, but hates me because I'm the one that brought him here? I'm the one that foiled his plan? 'Shut up,' I thought to myself, 'Arthur's going to be fine. He'll wake up, see me, and thank me for saving him.' Somehow, I couldn't find myself believing those words. He wouldn't thank me. In fact, he'd do the exact opposite. Arthur would scream at me, curse me for finding him, and get me kicked out of the hospital. 

Arthur would hate me more than anyone else in the whole world.

Collin was seated beside me, though he didn't look at me. He probably hated me. It wouldn't be all that surprising. 

“Mr. Kirkland?”

One of the doctors was coming towards us, a hesitant look in her eyes. Her long brown hair was pulled back in a ponytail, and her leaf green eyes looked tired, but bright. A doctors coat and scrubs made it clear what her status was at the hospital. Collin responded with a single wave. 

She stopped in front of us and smiled wearily. “My name is Dr. Hedervary. Arthur Kirkland is your brother, yes?” 

Collin nodded.

“Alright. Are your parents here?”

“No, they're not. They signed me over as the main consultant, though.” Collin informed her, and I nodded in confirmation. Arthur's parents couldn't make it back for a while, something about plane tickets and expenses or something, so they called the hospital and mad Collin his 'guardian.' This way the doctors can discuss important information with Collin and have him make the final call instead of wasting a fortune with overseas calls. 

“I see. Well, could we step aside? I have news about Mr. Kirkland.” Dr. Hedervary asked. I jerked up in my seat and looked between the two. Couldn't I know what's up?

“Actually, I think Alfred should be able to know what's going on with Arthur, too,” Collin stated. I sighed in relief. I hope that's allowed. I need it to be legal for me to know what's going on.

“Sir, I'm sorry, but he isn't-!”

“I'm the main consultant, right? I've taken over the place of my parents in this situation, so I can decide who gets to see him, correct? Alfred can.”

The doctor's lips were pursed, her eyes glaring before she sighed. “I suppose that is correct. Alright, he can stay. However, he may not be in Arthur's room if you are not present. He is still not the patient's immediate family. Understood?”

No. That wasn't fair. I should be able to see him whenever I wanted. I was about to voice these thoughts before a quick glare from the Scotsman shut me up. “We understand,” he agreed. Dr. Hedervary nodded. 

“Good. Now I am deeply sorry to say this, but Mr. Kirkland has slipped into a coma. I'm afraid we have no idea when he'll come out of it.”  
Shock. Pain. Sadness. Those are some of the emotions I felt when I heard Arthur was in a comatose state. One look at Collin told me he was feeling the same things. 

“We will do all we can to ensure he has the best possible chance of waking up,” she paused, then continued, “Would you like to see him?”  
We nodded, still in slight shock. “Follow me, then.” The pair of us got up and trailed behind her, walking for what seemed like hours before she stopped at a door. A plaque with the numbers 304 was tacked up on the wall next to it. “He's in here. Are you ready?”  
Collin and I nodded, and she pushed the door open. 

 

Two weeks had passed and not once had I left the hospital. I hadn't showered, gone to school, brushed my teeth, or done anything besides look over Arthur and sleep. I wasn't allowed to stay passed visiting hours, so I lived in my car in the hospital parking lot so I could be there first thing in the morning. Collin slept in the extra bed in Arthur's room. 

Kiku stopped by, once. He brought someone else with him, some Greek guy from school by the name of Heracles. All the lazy guy did was stand in the corner for most of the visit. At first, Kiku tried small talk with me. After that went nowhere, he...changed. He said that since I had been 'ignoring him,' he wanted to break up. Then he went on to say that he had been seeing Heracles for some time now because 'he gave him what he wanted.' Frankly, I wasn't surprised or sad about it. 

I was neutral about the whole thing and was about to ask them to leave when that bastard decided to insult Arthur. 

Immediately I was across the room, his clean white shirt collar clutched in my hands tightly. I remember Heracles trying to split us up, but Collin held him back. The words I told Kiku are still foggy in my mind, but I know that it was enough for the two to scurry out of the room like antelope running from a lion. 

Collin stared after them, then turned to me with an eyebrow raised. “You dated that piece of shit?” 

I laughed for the first time in what felt like forever. I could hardly believe it either. 

 

Collin convinced me to go home for a day. I say convinced, but it was more like he forced me to. Kirkland threats are terrifying promises. I gave Arthur a kiss on the forehead before I left, Collin's eyes burrowing into the whole time. 

The car ride home was a long and silent one. 

As soon as I opened the front door Mom was on me, hugging me and crying, and asking over and over if Arthur was okay. Dad wasn't far behind her, giving a short embrace before asking after Arthur's well-being. I didn't know what to tell them because of course he wasn't okay he is in the fucking hospital after attempting suicide but I couldn't say that. They were my parents. So, instead, I said, “He's in a coma.” 

They stopped asking about Arthur after that. 

Mom went to go make dinner – my favorite, she said – after an hour of sitting in unbearable silence in the living room. Dad and Mattie stayed put, too stubborn to follow Mom's lead in escaping the situation. I rolled my eyes and stood up to leave. Might as well do it for them. 

When I left the room, no one tried to stop me. 

Three hours passed, consisting of a two-minute shower followed by staring aimlessly at my bedroom wall. I need to go back to the hospital. Arthur needs me. What if he wakes up and I'm not there? What if he – no. I can't think that way. Artie's gonna be fine. Just fine. He'll wake up, happy and grateful, and forgive me for ever hurting him. The hospital will release him soon after, and Arthur will let me stay over at his place for a few days. I'll hold him in my arms while we sleep, and in a few years we'll get married, and have three children. Maybe even a white picket fence. 

Yeah. Everything will be fine. 

 

I didn't go back the next day. 

More like, my parents wouldn't let me go back. They insisted (forced) me to agree to stay home for the week. I hated this. I texted Collin to inform him about everything. The Scotsman promised to keep me updated on all that was going on with Arthur. I stayed in my room twenty ours of the day, the other four being because of food and 'family meetings.' It was so easy to tell they were complete bullshit. These so called 'meetings' were full of heavy silences and forced conversation starters that no one wanted to continue. I always left these things early.

Arthur still hadn't woken up. Collin told me that the doctor was already talking about pulling the plug. How could that already be on the table? He had only been there for a few weeks! Those bastards weren't giving him any time to recover. All they cared about was their fucking paycheck. 

Food no longer appealed to me. Arthur couldn't eat; what gave me the right to? Nothing. Family meetings ended, as well.

 

Two weeks. 

I have been trapped in this house for two fucking weeks. Mom, that evil bitch, thought I needed to 'spend a little more time at home' to 'catch my bearings.' I don't need to catch my bearings, I need to go back to the hospital to make sure Arthur was still breathing. I told her as such; she said that was why I needed to stay. 

What part of this doesn't she understand? Arthur could – Arthur could be dying right now. The monsters that call themselves doctors could have already killed him. There was no time for me to 'catch my bearings' because life doesn't work that way. Life loves to watch people scramble around like sheep in wolves' territory. No sense of direction, no designated destination, just the instinct to run as fast as you can until you're safe. If you tried to catch your bearings, the wolves would be on you, ripping apart your flesh like a child tearing through the wrapping paper encasing a present on Christmas morning. 

I hadn't realized I was screaming at her until Dad and Matthew charged into the room. Red consumed my vision and my mind was all fuzzy, though I vaguely recall punching something soft and squishy before I blacked out.

 

When I woke up, it was to the sound of my phone ringing. It was the default ringtone.

Collin.

Shooting out of bed, I grabbed my phone and answered it. If I had known what was about to be said, I would never have picked it up.

“I was talking to the doctors today, and – I've decided that the best thing for Arthur is to pull the plug.”

 

It was raining. If Arthur was here, he would have made some snark remark about how cliché the whole thing was. Knowing me, I would have agreed with him. However, no snide comment fell from his pale lips. Nothing did, anymore.

The Priest rambled on, saying something about how my Arthur would be dearly missed and that he died too young. I wasn't really listening; I was too busy staring at my beloved. He looked hauntingly beautiful like this; his black tux contrasting harshly against the deathly pale color of his skin. His tie was green, but I couldn't help but think it should have been red. He always looked the most natural in red. His coffin, a standard, glossy, spruce wood make, made the roses and other flowers around him look even brighter and more alive. The ensemble was breathtaking. 

It took all I had not to cry.

Collin didn't seem any better off. He didn't seem to be listening to the man of God, either. All he had eyes for was Arthur. Matthew stood beside me, his arm thrown protectively around my shoulders. His free hand was clenched tightly by his side. 

I couldn't help but notice that Kiku wasn't there. I couldn't say I cared. 

The Priest was done talking. The coffin's lid was closed. As my Arthur was being lowered into the ground, I took all of me not to jump in that hole with him.

 

It was another three hours before Father was able to get me into the car. I still hadn't wanted to; I wished I could stay kneeling beside my love for the rest of eternity, long after I'd died and only my withered bones remained. I wanted to be with Arthur forever. 

It's all my fault. I ruined everything.

I killed him. I killed the love of my life, my soul mate, because I was too much of a fucking idiot to see what was right in front of me. He would still be alive, happy and beautiful, if I hadn't been blinded by false feelings. Lucifer had tempted me with the forbidden fruit, and I had taken the bait; with one single, seemingly harmless little bite, my whole world had been taken from me. 

There was nothing left for me here. No one deserved to be burdened with a sinner like me. For my sins, I should be thrown into the darkest layers of Hell, and tortured every second of every day for what I had done. Heaven was too good for someone like me.   
Arthur, though, would fit right in.

We pulled up to the driveway. I solemnly got out; I knew what I had to do. I sat on the couch and waited. Mom and Dad needed to go grocery shopping. I managed to convince Matthew into going with them. I was alone, finally. The Master bedroom where my parents slept was at the end of the hall. What I needed was in there. 

I went in and located my killer; my grandfather's old pistol from World War Two. Suddenly I was in my room. The trip here is gone from my memory. I can barely remember grabbing the gun. I pressed the ancient gun to the side of my head.

“Alfred.”

Before me was an angel. His hair was golden like a sunset over water, a halo spinning gracefully atop his head. His toga was white and baggy, and seemed to fan out around him, and his feet were clad in brown, strapped sandals. A bright light was shining from behind him, and a pair of large, pure white wings stretched to encompass the entire room. 

It was Arthur.

He smiled, so enchantingly beautifully that all I could focus on was how I wanted to wrap him in my arms and never let go. A slim hand was held out to me.

I took it. 

BANG.

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, people! It's finally here! Alfred's perspective of the story Let's Just Be Friends! You see now, people! Alfred wasn't as much of a douche bag as he seemed. Well, sort of. However, Arthur's fate now lies in your hands. Will he live or will he die? You must decide. 
> 
> Who liked Evil!Kiku? It was sort-of hard to write, since I HATE AmePan with a passion, but I got through it.  
> Comment/review/kudos/whatever it is you do on this site.


End file.
